Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

I didn't feel great today. I feel like I am throwing off something, a cold maybe? Symptoms were low energy, sleeping long, achiness. Sometimes I push through these things by taking easy walks but today it felt better to drop everything and stay close to home. I took ibuprophen for achiness. It's another gray day.

Not feeling great didn't seem to cut back my appetite however. I ate more than I wanted. Nothing I ate was unhealthy however I could have done with less.

Sleep: almost 9 hours
Vitamins
Weight: 187
Lux light: about an hour

8:00
Old habits die hard. I found myself halfway through breakfast, on the sofa, reading an article, under the lux light. Multi-tasking is a way of life for me. Mindful eating is not. I laughed and continued my breakfast. I was hungry starting out and well, to tell the truth I finished every bite of my breakfast but I didn't notice how full I felt. I'm back to measuring too. I realized that when I came to my senses sitting on the sofa. I measured breakfast without thinking.

1/2c nf cottage cheese, half diced apple, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups black tea

10:30
Sat at table and sipped. I felt satisfied finishing.

chocolate heaven

12:30
At table and "5 past full" when done. I have trouble wasting food. I tend to finish what I serve myself. I need to think of new ways of approaching this if I want to be mindful about fullness.

veggie soup
deli turkey on whole grain wrap

3:00
At the table, on a plate. I was slightly hungry and satisfied by this snack

home made whole wheat banana bread

4:00
Not hungry but wanting something to eat. Walking around.
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
banana

7:00
Ate out. Not very hungry but needed to eat "real" dinner.
cup of black bean soup
salad with chicken breast and light dressing
few bites of whole grain bread

8:00
Not hungry but it was one of those in my face situations. Freshly baked and on the counter. This is a bad time of year for me to have sweet carbs around. I have trouble walking away.

whole wheat zucchini bread

The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.
~Henry Van Dyke

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

I don't like to live with my eyes focused on the numbers AND I do pay attention to them as only a single measure of how I am doing. My weight is up today. I swing into motion by tightening the reigns a little when this happens.

There were years when I had no idea how much I weighed but that has changed in the last decade as I have tried to make sustainable life changes that impact my health. Recent research shows that people who have maintained a long term weight loss weigh themselves frequently. In the spirit of maintaining my changes I keep tabs on my weight several times a week.

Sleep: 7 hours & up at 7
Vitamins
Weight: 188

8:00
Ate at set table. Slightly hungry to start and satisfied finishing.

1/2c nf cottage cheese, half an apple, and 2 tbsp walnuts
2 c black tea

10:00
Walking around doing things, sipping as I went. Very busy day planned and I didn't want to get hungry. I wasn't hungry but I completely enjoyed it. Felt satisfied and not full finishing.

chocolate heaven

12:30
Ate at set table, a little hungry starting and satisified but not full finishing.

turkey veggie soup with 1/2c Kashi pilaf grains and 50% cheese added
1/2c nf plain yogurt with 1 cup frozen blueberries blended in

5:00
Not a table meal. I was running around getting ready to go out. Enjoyed dinner but lost many of the details. Hungry starting out but I didn't even notice the end of the meal let alone how full I felt.

sleek* with plain nf yogurt
baba ghannouj and whole grain pita
brocoli
celery
2 tbsp peanuts
*if you don't know what sleek is check 11/06 archives

Totals: 2 fruits and 4 veggies
Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods. Gray raw day. It feels like winter is on the way. Geese circling.


“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.”
~Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

Extremely dark cloudy day. Several scheduling factors prevented me from walking today. This is a not a good combination for me. I tend to stray and eat more sweets or carbs than I would like under these circumstances This wasn't a major problem today, but it showed up. Overall, I had a good day. I had a wonderful dinner with my friend who is in town for a few days.


Sleep: about 8 hours & up at 7
Vitamins

8:00
Breakfast was unconventional but it called to me. Sat at a cleared dining room table and ate from a bowl I love. I was hungry starting out and stopped feeling satisfied. I didn't eat all the chicken.

Greek salad with grilled chicken breast, goat cheese, and small drizzle of dressing
sweet potato
3 cups of black tea

12:00
At the table, with nice table-ware. Slightly hungry and "5 til full" when done.

Veggie soup with soy cheese
Homemade whole wheat banana bread

2:00
Sightly hungry starting out and satisfied when done. Walking around while drinking.

chocolate heaven

6:00
Social dinner at my favorite diner. I was hungry starting and satisfied finishing. Special people definitely make meals special. I got a confirming dose of synergy tonight.

tofu and veggie stir fry with brown rice
a couple of bites of pumpkin pie

10:00
Not hungry. Candy is on the table. I call these snacks "not mine" but sometimes I am susceptible to eating this stuff when it is in eyesight. It needs to be moved.
It's not that I am adverse to occasional sweets, I like to plan them and I prefer not to eat them late at night. Amounts were not huge however pumpkin pie was enough in the sweets department. Ate them watching TV.

fat free sugar free fudgesicle
2 tootsie pops

Totals: 7 veggies

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.
~Epictetus

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

This business of writing about meal location makes me feel sheepish. It's like admitting I am wearing pajamas at 2 pm. I will write about this only for the week. It gives the blog a glass house quality which I can tolerate only briefly. It's interesting to consider and makes me wonder about other people. How formal are people for most meals?

Sleep: 8 and a half hours and up at 7
Vitamins
Weight: 186

7:30
Mixed diced apples and walnuts with remaining cottage cheese in its container. Ate at dining room table surrounded by Thanksgiving platters, racks and serving implements that are ready for kitchen storage. I was slightly hungry and completely enjoyed every bite of this mixture. I was not quite full enough so I continued with oatmeal which I ate from a bowl I really like. I sat cross legged on the living room sofa to eat. I was satisfied and felt about "10 til full."

cottage cheese, diced Fuji apple and walnuts
oatmeal (ok, I measured it without thinking...1/3c before cooked)
3 cups black tea

10:00
Drank this walking around and talking. It tasted great at first but lost track of it as the conversation continued. I was slightly hungry starting out and satisfied after the last swallows.

chocolate heaven

12:30
Ate lunch in three different sittings. I was hungry starting out. Ate round one on the living room sofa with my legs stretched out. I love cheese toast. It is the ultimate comfort food and somehow eating it with my legs stretched out on the sofa makes sense. On one level, it seems the epitome of sloth, on another, it's good living. Soup (round two): again, I was on the sofa but sitting up properly. Ate from a nice bowl. The grapefruit was peeled and sectioned in the kitchen, placed in a nice bowl and eviscerated from its membranes back on the sofa. Messy eating, but sometimes I need to go primal with grapefruit instead of eating it properly with a spoon. Excellent lunch! I was "5 past full" when I was done but I feel like I ate within reasonable limits. Just feeling fuller than hari hachi bu.

soy cheese melted on whole wheat pita
home made veggie soup
grapefruit

3:00
In the car, driving, before a hike. I really wasn't hungry but I hate to run out of steam (bonking) when I am hiking or biking. When extended exertion is called for, I fuel up with balanced snacks before I start and if I am out for several hours, I eat something along the way.

half a Tri-lo-plex bar

6:00
On the sofa again for dinner. Need to clear the table. I realize that I need to look at this pattern and work to include at least one "high meal" a day with nice table settings and a little more formality. I am informal in most of my life patterns but I appreciate that attention to detail may help with mindfulness. Slightly hungry to start and "5 past full" in the end.

turkey
broccoli
sweet potato and New Balance
3 figs

Totals: 3 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and meditation: one hour walk in the woods. Mild weather and moderate cloud cover. Geese circling today. I love watching them fly in formation.

Lord bless this mess
cos' we think it best
to make it short and sweet ah, bon appetite'
Good bread, good meat,
good God, let's eat!

Rub'a dub'a dub
Oh, Thanks for the grub!
~Terry Scott Taylor

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

I continue focusing on and tracking hunger and saiety. I didn't try as hard today and focused more on noting sensation. Also, I am trying a new angle in tracking: where I am eating my meals. I wonder if any patterns will emerge from this level of detail?

I spent the day with a friend I have known for more than 30 years. I fully enjoyed both her company and the meal I had with her. It seems synergy gets set in motion in these situations. Time spent with loved ones is enhanced with good food AND food tastes better in good company. Special people make meals special.


Sleep: about 8 hours & up at 7
Vitamins
Weight: 186
Meditation: 10 mintes sitting

8:00 (eyeballed servings were probably equivalent to my measured ones. I ate every last morsel. I was hungry starting out and with fairly slow paced eating satisfied in the end. Ate in the living room while sitting on the sofa).

nf cottage cheese, tangerine, Kashi pilaf grains, walnuts
2 cups black tea

12:00 (fully enjoyed meal at pleasant restaurant with very old friend. We lingered over conversation and I ate until I was full).

mushroom omlette
home fried potatoes
2 cups tea

6:00 (slightly hungry - I probably could have waited another half hour but I didn't want to eat too late. Ate in the living room with bowl on my lap. Wasn't focused on meal).

turkey veggie soup
veggie dippers and baba ghannouj
fresh pineapple

Totals: 6 veggies and 2 fruits
Movement: 20 minutes walking

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.
~Charles R. Swindoll

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

Tracking hunger and saiety (medical term for fullness) is more difficult than one might imagine (at least for me). It comes down to mindful eating. I have been eating for a lifetime. Also, I have experience with meditation and focus. I was as honest here as I could be and I feel like I am learning to do something entirely new that doesn't come easily. The task that lies before me is to wait until I am hungry and eat mindfully so that I am aware (and grateful) of what I am having and stopping just short of being full. Here's how today went. I felt like I was skiing for the first time and I spent more time lying in the snow than skiing.


Sleep: about 8 hours and up at 7
Vitamins

8:00 (hungry starting out but got caught up in engaging conversation and lost track of fullness..not stuffed by breakfast, just noticed conversation more than what I was eating..my thought was where did that go?)
boiled egg
whole wheat toast and New Balance
half a grapefruit
10:00 (wanted it...a little hungry too and I felt satisfied finishing it)
chocolate heaven
12:00 (sat at table alone, was slightly hungry starting out but got lost in thoughts mid-meal and lost track of eating, felt satified and not too full at end of meal but my thought again was where did that go?)
turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
raw veggie dippers with baba ghannouj
pear
3:00 (on walk, had it along, was a little hungry so I ate it. Have to say I totally enjoyed it but was I REALLY hungry? To be honest, I probably could have waited an hour to eat).
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
4:30 (oh dear, found myself at the kitchen cabinets dying for a snack. Yep I broke down and ate. I think I was tired from the walk and a little cold too).
crystalized ginger
4 figs
6:30 (not hungry really but wanted to eat dinner before it was too late. Went for comfort food which I completely enjoyed).
grilled cheese (50% fat) on whole wheat bread with New Balance
banana chips (1 serving)

Totals: 3 fruits and 5 veggies
Movement and Meditation: 1 hour walk in the woods. Beautiful mild weather and blue sky starting out. Watched sun set as I walked.

"This food is the gift of the whole universe - the earth, the sky, and much hard work. May we live in a way that is worthy of this food. May we transform our unskillful states of mind, especially that of greed. May we eat only foods that nourish us and prevent illness. May we accept this food for the realization of the way of understanding and love."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

The week flew and it's Friday recap again. My weight is up a little but my guess is salt is a factor. I didn't stuff myself yesterday but I noticed that many of the things I ate tasted salty. I don't cook with salt anymore and I have cut back on processed foods so when I run across salt, I notice it.

This week I want to focus on awareness of hunger and fullness. I waited to eat breakfast this morning until I felt clear hunger pangs and I didn't measure amounts. I used my eye which is probably well trained by now. I finished my bowl of breakfast including just about every curd of cottage cheese. Some habits die hard.

As far as fullness is concerned, I definitely was not stuffed and I'm not sure how full I was, but I felt satisfied. Maybe that should be my guidepost. Satisfaction is something I can identify when I pay attention.

Writing at this tedious level of detail horrifies me. However, I am trying to inhabit the details of my life so that's what I am writing about in this forum.

I used the lux light on gray mornings all week and it seems to help with waking in the morning. I don't know if it helps with energy throughout the day but the brightness makes early morning reading much easier.

My new low hikers are a vast improvement on my run-down treadless pair. I need to pay more attention to my shoes because foot comfort can make or break a walk for me. I continue to shop for hiking boots. I did online research, talked with several people and tried on some boots. I will continue until I buy a pair. I also made tentitive plans to walk with a very seasoned mountain climber in my family. She will help me gain experience for bigger hikes.

I walked 6 and a half hours this week and did 2 arm and leg resistance sessions and 1 abs and core session. Walking is up from last week. I would like to do at least one long hike in before I go to Boulder.

I continue with Michael Pollan's Omnivore's Dilemma, and hope to finish it this week. What a great book!


Sleep: just short of 6 hours & up at 5:45
Vitamins
Weight 187.5

6:30 (mild hunger followed by satisfaction)
nf cottage cheese, tangerine, Kashi pilaf grains and walnuts
black tea
10:00 (mild hunger & couldn't discern fullness but hunger was gone)
chocolate heaven
12:00 (true confessions...the turkey wrap went down fast while I was watching "The View." I noticed the first bite. Veggie dippers went down a little more slowly, and the pomegranate slower still. I was slightly hungry starting out and well... happy with my lunch but not too tuned in on fullness. Hari hachi bu was definitely not happening. This is a typical meal experience for me).
turkey (real, not deli), lettuce and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
raw brocoli, cauliflower, carrots and cucumbers with baba ghannouj
half a pomegranate
1:00 Found myself forraging in the cabinets "feeling hungry?" but not sure...more likely tired because I didn't get enough sleep last night. Took nap for about half an hour and that did the trick...I was tired...not hungry.
3:30 (a little hungry and I was at beginning of walk).
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:30 (actually forgot that I was tracking hunger and fullness).
turkey veggie soup
sweet potato with New Balance
fresh pineapple

Totals: 7 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and Meditation: 1 hour and 15 minute walk in the woods.


This life is not for complaint, but for satisfaction.
~Henry David Thoreau

Thanksgiving Virtual Dinner Partner

Thanksgiving day. The regular routine was blown away but overall it was a really good day. The feast was delicious and I tasted and enjoyed most things in small portions. I was not hungry going in either. Ate dessert much later at a family gathering and ate dinner after that (very late for me). I had really good low-key visits with people I truly love and I didn't stuff myself. Biggest challenge of the day was eating conservatively during the hours before the big feast while wonderful aromas wafted through the house.

Sleep 6 hours & up at 5
Vitamins
Weight: 186
Lux light about an hour

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, tangerine and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
3 cups tea
8:30
chocolate heaven
10:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
11:30 (cooking smells are wonderful and driving me crazy..it's a good thing I don't work in food preparation).
handful of banana chips
bite of soy cheese
2:30
turkey
cranberry sauce
and spoonful size servings of each of the following: greenbean casserole, sweet potatoes, stuffing, corn casserole, squash casserole
lots of raw veggies
pumpkin bread
8:30
very small plate of 2 bites each of apple crisp, apple cranberry pie and iced cake
9:30
small serving of turkey with a few bites of stuffing
celery

Totals: about 6 veggies and 3 fruits

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is 'thank you', it will be enough.
~Meister Eckhart

Hari Hachi Bu

The drawer that holds all my funny little cooking tools is tricky to close because three nested sets of measuring cups crowd the drawer. Everyday, as I unload the dishwasher, I carefully stack the nested sets. Many people reading this will assume I must cook a lot. I cook, but I probably use the measuring cups once or twice a week to measure cooking ingredients. I could get by with one set for cooking. I use the cups everyday to measure food that I plan to eat, something I have done intermittently over the years depending on how carefully I am watching the amounts of food I am eating.

Measuring servings started years ago when I was a teenager going to Weight Watchers. I also used a scale to weigh food. The scale and its many replacements are long gone. However, I occasionally think I need to buy a new scale to weigh out single servings of food after reading nutrition labels expressed in weight instead of volume.

I was once at a dinner party with a friend who is very careful about what she eats and she pulled a measuring cup from her purse to measure her serving of tossed salad. I wondered if she was trying to avoid eating too much or if she was trying to get enough vegetables in. I’ve never measured tossed salad, but I measure the cottage cheese, oatmeal or cereal I eat for breakfast. My thoughts are I want to be careful about what I am eating, I want to be healthy....I don’t want to eat too much in the carbohydrate category and I want to make sure I get enough protein (but not too much).

Portion control is the name of the game here. I have been completely out of control in the portion control department for much of my life. I apply the reigns this way and my weight begins to drop. I do this by dutifully reading nutrition labels and measuring out appropriate amounts of food.

When I measure out my bowl of cottage cheese I always eat every bite. The bowl is absolutely clean. I am beginning to wonder about this practice of reading labels and carefully measuring food. My thought is, I am eating "right" but right by whose standards?

I was recently reading about long-lived elders in Okinawa. They have the largest ratio of centenarians in the world. When their life practices were studied, a number of factors emerged as significant to their long lives and good health. One is hari hachi bu which translated means “eat until you are 80% full.”

I read articles about knowing body signals for hunger and fullness. I go through periods when I attempt to do this. I definitely know hunger, although sometimes I am fooled into feeling I am hungry if I’m not carefully paying attention. Fullness is more difficult to discern. I know “Thanksgiving full” which for most of my life translated into “stuffed.” Simply full is more tricky. I experience this sensation only when I eat slowly and I have to pay close attention to know I am there. 80% full is an entirely new level of awareness.

Is this something I can learn? I wonder if years of eating with portion control issues followed by years of externally defined portions has ruined my ability to do this.

Hari hachi bu requires that I use foresight, keep focus and develop an intimate knowledge of my body. Paying attention to body signals closely enough to know 80% fullness comes from experience, and cannot be dictated from information printed on a label on the side of a box.

My guess is the centenarian Okinawans who practice hari hachi bu enjoy simply prepared meals. Quiet conversation and special time with family are part of the equation. Consciousness is central. This is my wish for myself. This is my wish for all people facing eating struggles.

Not knowing Japanese has some benefit as I consider hari hachi bu. My guess is it is everyday wisdom for Okinawans who practice it. To me it carries elements of prayer, perhaps blessing.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and Hari Hachi Bu.

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

Oh my, I found some new muscles this morning. Returning to the machines for resistance training yesterday worked areas I must have been missing with free weights.

I joined the masses of people today who are getting ready for the major feast holiday of the year. The grocery store and the turkey farm were crowded even during non-peak hours. I was amazed by the huge sale displays of unusual food choices for at the grocery store: Cheese Whiz and crackers for one. Cheese Whiz is the last thing I would think to buy for Thanksgiving. Maybe that is why it is on sale.

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours & up at 6:45
Vitamins
Weight: 186

7:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
3 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00 HUNGRY
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole wheat wrap
tangerine
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
3:00
half a pomegranate
Dr Kracker flatbread
crystallized ginger
6:00
turkey veggie soup and soy cheese
tangerine
8:30
3 tootsie pops
handful of banana chips

Totals: 4 veggies and 4 fruits
Movement and Meditation: one hour morning walk in the woods. It was cold and fresh and big clouds were rolling in.

Don't assume you're always going to be understood. I wrote in a column that one should put a cup of liquid in the cavity of a turkey when roasting it. Someone wrote me that 'the turkey tasted great, but the plastic cup melted.'
~Heloise

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

Hit the wall with hunger after a full day with walking and Y workout. Realized tonight that my carb intake was low early in the day my lunch didn't have the staying power for my level of activity. It's hard to cook in the kitchen for an hour when my stomach is screaming at me. Got through with a snack and ate a large bowl of soup (mostly veggies). Ginger and fudgesicle were extras. I always have to remember that this involves a learning curve. Didn't have calorie dense Tri-lo-plex bar either today so calorie intake was lower than usual.

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours & up at 6:45
Vitamins
Weight: 185
Lux light: about an hour

8:00
boiled egg
whole wheat toast with New Balance
orange
3 cups black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
Dr Kracker flat bread
12:00
tossed salad with deli turkey, soy cheese and 6 g fat olive oil based dressing
dried banana crisps
3:00
dry roasted edamame (good snack!)
Asian pear
5:30 HUNGRY while cooking dinner
Dr Kracker flat bread
crystalized ginger
6:30
turkey veggie soup
fudgesicle

Totals: 3 fruits and 7 veggies
Movement and Meditation: one hour and 15 minute walk in the woods and total body resistance training workout at the Y.

One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it.
~Proverbs

Vitamins

I don’t like taking vitamins. In reality, I don’t believe in taking them. Better said, I feel it is unfortunate that I don’t trust the food I eat to provide optimal nutrition so I take vitamins as a hedge to this lack of trust.

If I am totally honest, I don’t trust that taking vitamins will protect me from deficits I worry about.

I list vitamins second in my daily Virtual Dinner Partner run down. I do this because I purchase them but if I don’t write this everyday, I forget to take them. As a second point of honesty, many days I write “vitamins” and remember that I didn’t take them so I stop writing and go take them.

I don’t know if what I take makes much difference. I take a standard multi-vitamin for people over fifty. I take calcium so that between my dietary intake and the supplement I can possibly prevent bone loss that is prevalent at my age. I take fish oil supplements to get Omega 3 fatty acids EPA and DHA to protect my heart, joints and as a hedge to depression. I take L lysine, because I have been told that it can help prevent cold sores which I hate to get. Last year I started taking Vitamin D in the winter because I heard that people north of a certain parallel suffer vitamin D deficiency in the winter and taking this supplement can help with a range of maladies. I also take St John’s Wort in the winter because I have symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder and maybe this supplement helps curb the malaise and lack of energy I feel during the winter. I have the most doubt about its helpfulness but I still take it.

I spend a fair amount of money for vitamins and supplements. I tend not to buy top of the line, health food store varieties but I still spend a fair amount replenishing my daily supplies. I want to believe they will make a difference and I act based on this want to believe.

I want wisdom and sound clinical evidence to guide these choices but, the reality is, even though people make strong recommendations about vitamins and supplements, I am skeptical about the claims that are made. I read my horoscope every day and some days I really want to believe what is written. I take vitamins in a similar spirit. I want to believe that they will make a difference.

The horoscope analogy doesn’t completely hold up however. Horoscopes are fun, they are about divining the unknown and picturing possible outcomes (my pictures are usually positive). I want positive healthy outcomes, so I take vitamins, however there is an element of fear that drives this choice. I take vitamins in the spirit of restoring health, remedying deficits, getting back what should have been there in the first place.

Foods that have vitamins and minerals added to them during processing are called “fortified.” Yes, there are elements of fortification here: we are saving, even rescuing ourselves from disaster; righting what is wrong and restoring our health with these little bullets of distilled chemicals. Vitamins are all about recovery and rehabilitation from the lives we are living.

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: little more than 8 hours & up at 7:15
Vitamins
Weight: 186
Lux light: 1 hour

8:00
1/2 c nf cottage cheese, 1/3c Kashi pilaf grains, grapes, 2 tbsp walnuts
2 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey,lettuce and honey mustard in whole wheat wrap
1 cup escarole and white bean soup
Asian pear
2:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
4:30
50% cheese
Dr Kracker cracker
tangerine
7:00
Panera fugi apple chicken salad without gorganzola
multigrain bread

Totals: 4 veggies, 4 fruits

Movement & Meditation: 1 hour walk in the woods. Starting to feel like winter but the sun was out.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
~Albert Einstein

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

I tried on several pairs of hiking boots today at REI. The shoe department was busy and understaffed so I had a brief conversation with the sales person about fitting boots. I ruled out one brand of boot and really liked another (Asolo).

It is hard to find a good in-store selection of serious hiking boots for women. Lots of light hikers are available, but I want something sturdier. My light hikers didn't provide enough support for my Mt Monadnock climb this summer. I was more confident shopping today. It takes time and attention to make this important selection...and it is starting to be fun.

I had a day of testing my resilience. Lunch got away from me. I realized it when, after eating lunch, I wanted more so I had baba ganouj with pita bread. Then I found myself foraging in the kitchen cabinets. After eating half a serving of cheese flavored rice cakes (pseudo junk food in my mind), I realized I was teetering on the edge of binge behavior. This happens with fair regularity for me this time of year. It used to really upset me...now I try to see it and befriend it. I put away the rice cakes and thought about what was going on. It wasn't emotional eating today, it was more physiological.

Lunch was late. I was too hungry, tired from shopping, and wiped out from less than enough sleep last night. It was also really gray again today. Carbohydrates call to me with this combination of factors. To keep this from happening I need to keep good snacks in the car (like whole grain crackers and peanuts), take short naps when I am tired, and go outside for sunlight. I used the lux light this morning but nothing beats natural light. Mid afternoon I decided to take a nap. I felt much better when I woke up.

So I ate more than I usually eat today. Sometimes I do that.


Sleep: about 6 and a half hours & up at 5:45
Vitamins
Weight:185
Lux light: about 1 hour
Meditation: 10 minutes sitting

6:00
Kashi cereal, banana and skim milk
2 cups black tea
10:00
1 c plain nf yogurt, 3/4 c frozen blueberries blended
Dr Kracker cracker (wow, so good!)
1/4c peanuts
1:30 (waited too long HUNGRY)
white bean and escarole soup
50% cheese
Dr Kracker cracker
whole wheat pita and 2 tbsp baba ghannouj
half serving cheese flavored rice cakes
Asian pear
6:00
tangerine
6:30
omlette with soy cheese
half a piece of toast with new balance
salad with 6g fat olive oil based dressing
cocoa about 6 oz.

Totals: 4 fruits and 6 veggies
Movement: resistance training arms and legs 10 lbs 2 sets 8 reps.

The apple cannot be stuck back on the Tree of Knowledge; once we begin to see, we are doomed and challenged to seek the strength to see more, not less.
~Arthur Miller

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

Spent the morning researching hiking boots on-line. My experience yesterday trying on a pair of Asolo boots and talking to the sales person about her hiking adventures has me excited. I want to break in a pair of good hiking boots walking this winter and plan some mountain climbing and remote hiking next summer.

Sleep: 8 and a half hours & up at 7:30
Vitamins
Weight: 185

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, orange and 1 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked) with 1 tsp peanut butter stirred in (good!!)
2 cups black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:30
sleek* with a dollop of nf plain yogurt
* see entry earlier this month titled "sleek?" if you don't know what this is
banana
2:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
4:30
Asian pear
6:30 (ate out)
veggie and tofu stir-fry
brown rice

Totals: 6 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Meditation: 2 hour walk in the woods. Cold air and blue sky made perfect walking weather. Spent time on remote paths. Mud everywhere.

Our consciousness rarely registers the beginning of a growth within us any more than without us; there have been many circulations of the sap before we detect the smallest sign of the bud. ~ George Eliot

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

Today is recap day, something I did on a weekly basis with my original virtual dinner partner. Depending on what was happening or how either one of us was feeling, recap showed up in a number of forms: lists of changes, lists of accomplishments, lists of problems, and bulleted ranting. It also frequently appeared in a narrative form with thoughts, discussion, dreams, questions, and of course ranting.

Today is the 10th day of Blogger Virtual Dinner Partner. According to the statistics kept by the site 16 people have visited. I have gotten several thoughtful emails which I completely appreciate and I am considering posting an email site for the blog to open up the conversation.

Doing Virtual Dinner Partner as a blog feels odd. It is extraordinarily revealing which is unusual for me because I tend to be private but I am enjoying writing it. When this was a dyad practice I loved seeing how my partner was living her life on this fundamental level. Strangely enough, I have always dreaded conversations with people who engage in "what I ate today" run-downs. Doing this feels different.

It doesn't feel confessional (although it is), it feels more like a way of being present with other people. With my original partner there wasn't a whole lot of commentary back and forth about choices unless it was requested. That felt right and it worked to help me stay aware of choices I was making on a day to day basis.

Doing the blog feels bigger. I initially said I was committed to one week and if it was just too weird I would stop. Ten days have passed and I want to write about a range topics within this odd format. So I am committing to continue until the end of November. Then I'll take another look to see if I want to continue another month.

This week I walked 4 hours and did 2 complete cycles of full body resistance training. I bought new low hikers because I have walked the treads off my last pair. I also started shopping for hiking boots. That is a big step because I tell shoe sales people what I am looking for...serious shoes for serious hiking. That is a substantial turning point! I am shopping in outdoor stores and the sales people are outdoor athletes. I'm joining the ranks and it feels exciting.

I was eating the same meals days on end, which is something I fall into frequently. I feel like I broke the cycle and I have a little more range in my menu's.

I cut back on sweets this week. I had one dessert. I definitely feel better. I still get carbohydrate cravings but they are under better control. Eating more tri-lo-plex bars than I would like but they are a little better than candy and cookies.

My weight has equalized and I am back to my standard around 185. I am sticking to my resolve to maintain this weight through the holiday season.

Next week I would like to continue with variety as a focus in my menus. I want to step up my resistance training and walking to get ready for my trip to Boulder where I will be really active. I want to continue shopping for hiking boots.

I want to start tracking my use of the lux light and see if my energy level is better on really gray days. I noticed I was dragging on gray days this week.

I want to step up formal sitting meditation practice to at least 10 minutes a day to start. Walking is my meditation practice presently which feels right for me but I like the experience I have with sitting and I would like to return to it as well.

I want to finish reading Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan.


Sleep: about 6 hours & up at 5
Vitamins
Lux light: about an hour

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes, 2 tbsp walnuts, and 1/3c kashi pilaf grains
2 c black tea
9:00
chocolate heaven
whole wheat crackers
12:00
chicken and whole wheat spagetti in marinara sauce
tossed salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
Asian pear
3:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
6:30
beans and greens with a little soy cheese
deli turkey on small whole wheat pita
kiwi

Totals: 3 fruits and 5 veggies

Movement and Meditation: hour long walk in the woods. Clear sky and thankfully the rain has stopped. Warm enough to walk in shirt-sleeves.

Words, like nature half reveal and half conceal the soul within.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

It was another gray rainy day and it looks like November but it was up in the high 70's which was a bit strange.

Sleep: about 6 and a half hours & up at 5. I was wide awake so I got up.
Vitamins
Weight: 184.5 It is equalizing again. I was up a few pounds for a couple of weeks. Pants are loose again.
Lux light: about 45 minutes

6:15
Kashi cereal, banana and skim milk
2 tablespoons of walnuts
3 cups of tea
9:30
chocolate heaven
whole wheat crackers
12:00
white bean and escarole soup
Asian pear
2:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:00
broiled salmon
asparagus
half a sweet potato with New Balance
orange

Totals: 2 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement: Ball ab and core exercises

No sun - no moon! No morn - no noon -
No dawn - no dusk - no proper time of day.
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member -
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!
Thomas Hood 1799-1845

Sleek?

I'm not talking smooth and glossy or elegant and stylish, I am talking delicious!

I spent my twenties in Pittsburgh where there were quite a few Lebanese restaurants. For a good price, I could enjoy feasts of baba ghannouj, hummus, tabouli, freshly baked pita bread, and sleek. I see the first four menu items as regular fare at the grocery store these days, but I don't see sleek. As a matter of fact, when I mention it, most people don't know what it is.

If you like beans or greens you will like sleek. It's easy to make and good for you!

SLEEK
large sweet yellow onion diced
good bunch of kale
1/2 c bulghur (cracked wheat available at Whole Foods)
1 can black-eyed peas
tamari (higher quality soy sauce, try to get low sodium)
plain non-fat yogurt

1. In a small skillet with a tiny amount of olive oil toast the bulgher until it is golden brown. Add a cup of boiling water to the bulgher and set aside.
2. Wash kale and remove stems. Cut or tear into big chunks. Set aside.
3. In a large skillet, saute onion in 2 tsp olive oil until caramelized.
4. Drain black-eyed peas and rinse in colander to get rid of excess sodium.
5. Add bulghur and black-eyed peas to onions and mix. Add kale to mixture and toss gently. Place lid on skillet and allow mixture to simmer until kale is cooked down and shiny. Add a tablespoon of tamari and stir.
6. Serve with a large dollop of plain non-fat yogurt and a sprinkle of tamari sauce on top of the yogurt. Enjoy!

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

I decided I wanted some range in my meals...too many turkey wraps and chicken dinners....so I had a vegetarian day and ate mostly Middle Eastern food. I love hummus and baba and eat them regularly for afternoon snacks, but I haven't had sleek in ages. Don't know what sleek is? Read the previous posting. It sounds unusual but I love it! It is quite easy to make and it's a hearty filling vegetarian meal.

Sleep about 7 hours & up at 6
Vitamins
Weight: 185.5

7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, orange, 2 tbsp walnuts and 1/2c Kashi pilaf grains
3 c tea
11:00
baba ghannouj and hummus with 2 small whole wheat pitas
raw carrots
1 c plain nf yogurt with frozen blueberries blended in
1:30
banana
2 tbsp peanuts
5:30
sleek with plain nf yogurt and tamari sauce
half a pomegranate

Totals: 4 fruits and 3 veggies
Movement and Meditation: one hour hike through the woods. Patches of blue sky but mostly gray and unseasonably warm. I hiked in shirt sleeves. What a relief it is to be walking again after days of rain.

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
Aphra Behn

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

Another gray rainy day and my car was in the shop having expensive repair work...not my favorite recipe for joy. I am dying to walk but the combination of miserable weather and the wait for my car has me homebound. On top of that, Oprah, a favorite diversion, is depressing today (her show is about depression)!

It's interesting, on days when I am inactive or I am worried, I struggle with what I experience as hunger. I found myself foraging through the cabinets and refrigerator looking for something to curb the malaise I felt with the weather and the anxiety and frustration of expensive car repairs. Fortunately I "found" myself doing this and stopped before any real damage occurred.

Tonight was "junk food" night...soy nuggets, my sort of healthy answer to frustration cravings. I choose them with slight skepicism. They are breaded with stone ground whole wheat and the list of ingredients doesn't include too many chemicals. I wonder about textured soy protein. Just what is done to those beans to give them a "meat-like" quality? I have cut back on processed food but I keep a box of these things in the freezer exactly for this kind of situation. They are healthier than pepperoni pizza.


Sleep: about 7 and a half hours and up at 6:45
Vitamins

7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese with grapes and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard in whole wheat wrap
broccoli and a little New Balance
orange
2:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
4:00
Asian pear
6:00
soy nuggets and honey mustard
salad and 6g fat canola based dressing

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits.
Movement: resistance training 10 pound free weights for arms 2x8 reps and 10 pound ankle weights for legs 2x8 reps. Ball exercises for abs, back and core.

Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass.
Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

I need to go grocery shopping. I have been eating chicken for days and I am getting tired of the same dinner meals. I need to get some fish and tofu for a change of pace. Lots of people I know don't like either of those choices, but strangely enough, I actually do.

A major problem I run into with meals is I tend to go with the same things for weeks at a time and I get tired of my choices, then I don't know what to have. I get tripped up by a lack of everyday vigilance and attention to detail I seem to need to stay on course. I can make this simple if I just remember to focus here a little everyday.


Sleep: about 7 hours & up at 6:15
Vitamins
Weight 186

7:00
boiled egg
whole wheat toast with New Balance
orange
11:00
chocolate heaven
1:00
whole wheat wrap with deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard
1 cup home made lentil soup
fresh pineapple
4:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:00
chicken marinara with whole wheat pasta
salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
Asian pear

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits
Rest day (rain rain rain!!)

I want all my senses engaged. Let me absorb the world's variety and uniqueness.
Maya Angelou (1928 - )

How MUCH did you say you weigh?

I posted my weight today. I thought quite a bit about posting it...mostly questioning, am I nuts to do this? When I started Virtual Dinner Partner as a dyad practice with my original partner I included that information. When I weighed myself, she knew how much I weighed. Doing this involved major trust for me.

My nightmare question until recently has been "how much do you weigh?". The question was rarely asked, people knew better.

The last time I remember being asked was during a phone conversation a number of years ago when I was trying to schedule a flight on a small airplane to an island off the coast of Florida and total passenger and cargo weight mattered. I told them I wasn't even really sure how much I weighed.

I was asked, "over 200 pounds?".
"Yeah," I replied.
"By much?"
"Yeah."
I didn't add that I weighed around 280. I was referred to a boat company because I weighed too much for the plane ride. I burned with shame as I hung up the phone. I didn't go to the island.

I work hard to see my weight as peripheral information in my life. One of many bits that make up a complicated picture of how I am doing. Earlier in my life it seemed tied to my value as a human being. Weighing "too much" equaled not having much value as a person....particularly as a woman.

I have slowly dropped a substantial amount of weight during the last four years as part of a total life and health reclamation project. I am still considered "overweight" using the body mass index, but I am feeling pretty good. I try to see the numbers: weight, body mass index, pants size, hip measure, simply as numbers. Information that makes up part of a picture of how I am doing.

I am definitely doing better, but it is not strictly tied to the numbers that are associated to my particular measurements. I am feeling better. I have more energy and I feel happier. This change in my sense of "well being" results from some complex changes in everyday choices and ways that I experience my life. I don't fully understand how everything comes together to make a difference. I just try to pay attention to what is happening and how I am feeling. It's so much more than the numbers AND the numbers are simply numbers. So I pay some attention to them and I will include them in my postings from time to time.

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: 7 and a half hours & up at 6:30
Vitamins
Weight 186.5

7:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese, cantaloupe and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
teryaki pork loin
salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
TLC crackers 1 serving
grapes
6:00
chicken
whole grain pasta with marinara sauce
broccoli
half a pomegranate

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement: arms free weights 10 lbs 2x8 and legs with 10 lb ankle cuffs 2x8

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. ~John Burroughs

Chocolate Heaven

I die for chocolate...the good dark stuff. I go through periods when I can eat it in "the good form"...real blocks of dark chocolate candy that I dissolve slowly in my mouth savoring every molecule of joy this magnificent stuff brings. I buy the best, Scharffen Berger or Lake Champlain and carefully break off half an ounce every few days.

Chocolate contains a storehouse of antioxodants so tiny quantities of dark (70%) are actually good for you. Tiny is the operative word here. Half an ounce of slow melting ecstasy delivers about 80 calories.

Sometimes cravings kick in though and I have trouble enjoying just one half ounce. The chocolate siren calls and I visit the block several times in a given day. "Chocolate Heaven" is my response to chocolate cravings during periods when I lack control. I get my chocolate full force but without the sugar and fat.

In a blender put 1 tablespoon of unsweetened high quality cocoa (like Ghiradelli or Lake Champlain) for each cup of cold skim milk. Add a sweetener of choice: sugar, stevia, honey, xylitol, or Splenda. I just add a tiny amount for sweetness. Also, you can add ripe frozen banana slices (for sweetness and bulk). Blend until smooth and frothy. Serve immediately.

It really does the trick. I find it satisfies my love of chocolate at 15 calories and 1.5 grams of fat a tablespoon and gives me milk.

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: about 6 hours & up at 5. I woke up early and was wide awake. I felt happy and ready for the day.
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes and walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 c black tea
8:00
chocolate heaven
11:00 (hungry early! but got up early)
turkey burger and honey mustard
whole grain tortilla
salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
kiwi
2:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
5:00
whole wheat pita and baba ghannouj
cantaloupe
7:00
zucchini, onion and sweet pepper egg beater omelet with soy cheese

Totals: 6 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement & Meditation: two hour walk in the woods. Travelled to remote area and almost lost trail the leaf cover was so thick. Shirt sleeve weather. Lots of people out today.

Sleepy this afternoon so I took an hour long nap.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons. It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.
Walt Whitman (1819 - 1892)

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

I got to see my original partner in this practice for a few hours today when she flew into town for a funeral. It was so good to spend actual time together and catch up face to face. The benefits of digital communication are quite wonderful but nothing is better than real human contact. What a blessing today was.

Sleep: 6 hours & up at 6:30
Vitamins

7:30
Kashi Good Friends cereal with skim milk and banana
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven (2 tbsp good quality unsweetened cocoa in 2 c skim milk with a little spenda whirred in the blender until mixed)
1/4 c unsalted roasted peanuts
12:00
deli turkey with lettuce and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
fresh pineapple
7:00 (dinner at my friend's parent's house)
chicken, broccoli and pasta with Alfredo sauce
salad with lowfat dressing
tiny home made brownie

Totals: 2 fruits and 4 veggies

Movement and Meditation: one hour and fifteen minute morning walk in the woods. Breathing cool fresh air woke me up. What a beautiful morning!

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)

Feeling those muscles

And I have to say for the most part it feels good to be just a little sore. I did arm and leg resistance training yesterday. My left shoulder is feeling extra sore. I will have to give it some TLC. The lateral raises probably caused that soreness.

The honest truth is it has been about two weeks since I have done any lifting...and probably two months since I was on my regular cycle of whole body resistance training at least two times a week, spread out over several sessions.

I need to get back to pumping iron. I can schedule it with relative ease. The problem is I just don't love it. Lifting makes me feel better after I do it and helps me get strong enough to do the things I really love. It's vitally important to do it at this point in my life to maintain bone and muscle. I feel better too when I am lifting regularly. I have more energy and I am less likely to feel all over achiness.

My resolve is to get back to my steady schedule from this summer. It's not a first love but one of those supports that keeps me going....I am usually happy lifting after I have been at the Y for about 15 or 20 minutes and something kicks in(endorphins?....a can-do spirit....actually feeling good) and I am OK until I finish. I wish I loved the gym atmosphere. It's not a walk in the woods for me.

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours & up at 7
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, cantaloupe, and walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups black tea
12:30
baba ghannouj and whole wheat pita
home made lentil soup
cauliflower
fresh pineapple
1 c nf plain yogurt with frozen blueberries
3:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
6:30
pork loin
tossed salad with 6g fat canola dressing
sweet potato with new balance
half a pomegranate

Totals: 4 fruits and 6 veggies

Movement & Meditation: one hour fifteen minute walk in the woods. I loved hiking muddy leaf covered trails on such a warm beautiful day.

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." Rumi

Notes from sometime this summer...

I am in perfectionism mode. I am consistently logging every day and I've had changes I've kept up during this process. Virtual Dinner Partner keeps me on course in a huge way....but I am also wondering, will I be able to maintain these changes without this level of vigilance? The answer is I really don't know. My guess is, right now, I probably couldn't, which has me feeling conflicted.

I want to live in a health promoting way that happens with ease....happens naturally without a whole lot of thought, planning or doing. It is as automatic as driving. I get in the car and drive...I don't think about putting on my seat-belt or staying on the right side of the road or looking out for other cars, the gas gets low and I buy more gas...I just do it. I want to live and eat and move that way. I want to be conscious in an appreciative sense....the blessings of good living. But I want to focus otherwise on bigger concerns in my world. I am feeling I need to stay here to be able to move to a new level of health and maintain the changes I've made. I am feeling tethered....necessarily so.

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

Took off a few days from doing this. Somehow couldn't get to it. When I don't do it (right now...this week , this month, this season???) I find myself slipping again. Last night I had chocolate chips and Tootsie Pops...also a nonfat fudgesicle and a couple of cookies. It's carb cravings that get kicked up. Writing this keeps me more in the loop with how I want to live.

The blog idea has me in a tizzy. It's way too scary and may not work for me but I am thinking I need to try it out (because it is way too scary).

I am interested in how people live this way and I would love to see a network of Virtual Dinner Partner blogs set up. Our kitties go from bowl to bowl (theirs) and check out our bowls and plates to see what's for dinner. I think it a base mammal interest.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2006
Sleep about 7 hours & up at 6:30 am
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes and walnuts
small home made whole grain waffle with 2 tsp of maple syrup
2 cups black tea
12:00
white beans and escarole with 50% cheese on top (one slice)
ww crackers
apple
1 c nf plain yogurt with frozen blueberries blended in
3:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
5:00
turkey burger with honey mustard
salad with 6g fat canola dressing
broccoli and cauliflower
half a sweet potato with a little new balance
kiwi

Totals: 6 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement: resistance training upper and lower body 2x8 reps with 10 lbs. in ankle cuffs and free weights.

Meditation: 20 minutes sitting this morning

"The key that unlocks energy is desire. It's also the key to a long and interesting life. If we expect to create any drive, any real force within ourselves, we have to get excited."
Earl Nightingale 1921-1989, Radio Announcer and Author