Friday, December 01, 2006

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: about 8 hours

At the table, not very hungry to start and not full when I finished.

boiled egg
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups black tea

Walking around doing things. Slightly hungry to start and satisfied finishing. But I have to say it went down fast and I didn't enjoy it as much as I might have.

yogurt blender drink (1 c plain nf yogurt with frozen peaches)

At table, definitely hungry and "10 til full" in the end.

turkey, sliced tomatoes and honey mustard in whole wheat wrap
banana chips

All over the place and snacking. A little hungry but mostly blind unaware eating.

Dr Kracker flat bread
2 whole wheat fig newtons
handful of chocolate chips
more banana chips

This is one of my YIKES episodes..not good...but fairly contained compared to day long eating binges I used to engage in. I try to look at these episodes with compassion and figure out what is going on. I can't always stop even with awareness. I am tired and today is another gray day. The lux light and time outside today didn't provide what I seem to get from sunlight. Also, this has been a stressful week personally. Stress and lack of sunlight are two of my triggers. The cabinets are not full with the right types of food and there is lots of "trouble" food around. I am communicating about location problems (Tootsie pops on the dining room table are gone) but the cabinet is full of cookies, and other problem foods. The ideal situation for me at this time of year is to have only ideal food in the house...and a well stocked assortment. I have other people to consider who do not share the same needs. So I need to learn new strategies. Oh well..this IS contained. And every situation like this is an opportunity to practice and learn. My path is about imperfection and a middle path with no right and wrong.

Not hungry but wanted to eat a simple dinner and close the kitchen. Ate sitting cross legged on the sofa.

boiled shrimp and cocktail sauce

Totals: 3 fruits and 1 veggie.

Movement and Meditation: One hour walk in the woods....warm soft balmy air, dark skies, and a few good breezes...oh how I needed to be outside. It is supposed to rain later today. I could really feel the humidity.

I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I've come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them...
~Annie Dillard


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