Saturday, December 30, 2006

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

Another day of "hungry as a bear." I swear it is the weather because it feels like I am eating plenty. Maybe I need more cooked vegetables. It gets cold outside and I feel like my appetite doubles. I went to the grocery store after my late afternoon walk to get a few things for supper. Everything looked good. Even fruit juice which I don't REALLY like. I bought a pack of strong cinnamon gum and I popped in a couple of pieces as soon as I got to the car. It saved me until dinner was prepared.

Slept about 7 hours and up at 6:00
Vitamins
Weight: 188.5

7:00
boiled egg
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
orange
2 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
Dr Kracker flatbread
11:00
deli turkey with pickle and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
broccoli
grapes
almonds (2 tbsp)
1:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:30
white bean and curly endive soup with a little parmesan cheese
Dr Kracker flat bread
apple
cocoa

Totals: 2 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Mediation: walked in the woods for an hour. It was snowing and beautiful and made my walk a joy. I fell crossing the icy road starting out. I need to put Yaktracks on my shoes if the snow stays. I wore more clothes today so I was warm enough to really enjoy being outside.


Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
~John Ruskin

I frequently tramped eight or ten miles through the deepest snow to keep an appointment with a beech-tree, or a yellow birch, or an old acquaintance among the pines.
~Henry David Thoreau

Happy New Year everyone! I am taking a couple of days off to celebrate with beloved friends. I'll be writing again in 2007!

Friday, December 29, 2006

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: 8 and a half hours and up at 8
Vitamins
Weight: 188.5... the truth is out

8:30
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
banana crisps
12:30
deli turkey with lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain pita
apple and 2 tbsp peanuts
3:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:30
grapefruit
6:00
turbot (fish) in carmelized onions and green peppers
broccoli
sweet potato and New Balance
tomato and 3 g fat canola dressing
3 ginger cookies

Totals: 4 veggies and 4 fruits

Movement and Meditation: one hour and ten minute walk in the woods. It was rawly cold today. I need to start wearing more clothes. I was wearing layers but not enough of them.

I am really hungry! I could eat another meal but I am trying to avoid that. It is 9 pm and the kitchen has been closed for a while.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry.”
~Gary Larson

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

I am back after a one week holiday hiatus. I am relieved that most of the dinner dates and parties are over...just a few more to go. The last two days have felt a little more normal. I walked and I ate at home. Also, I wasn't making cookies. I make healthy cookies but they are tremendously appealing as they come out of the oven.

Walking again makes me feel much more alive and my food cravings fall when I get outside regularly. What a relief to have two good walks in two days!

My weight is up a little...won't say how much! I am sure the rich food and lack of exercise are good reasons but I also have not been eating my own low salt cooking and possibly menstrual cycle is playing a role as well. I'll be watching the scales carefully during the next few weeks. I take care of weight gains before they get out of hand. I have a lifetime of lessons in that department. I expect occasional small gains, and I have also learned I need to take care of weight gains while they are small.

Sleep: about 8 and a half hours and up at 7:30
Vitamins

8:00
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
3 c black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
2 tbsp unsalted peanuts
12:30
beans and escarole
1 serving of whole grain crackers
mozzarella cheese stick
half an Asian pear
3:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
banana crisps
soy cheese
6:30 (not cooked by me)
veggie stir fry with chicken sausage and pineapple

Totals: 3 veggies and 4 fruits

Movement and Meditation: walk in the woods for and hour and 15 minutes. Cool breezes and sunshine made today perfect for walking.


This is the lesson that history teaches: repetition.
~Gertrude Stein

The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Friday, December 22, 2006

Winter Solstice

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.
~Bill Watterson

My beloved friend and partner in crime with Virtual Dinner Partner is sleeping tonight on the floor of the Denver airport. A massive snow storm blanketed Colorado with two feet of snow last night. The airport grounded the planes. People are stranded. She has been there since this morning trying to return to New England for a Christmas visit with family and friends. It is the longest night of the year and I am sure it will feel that way to her as the hours pass.

It is the solstice. I always seem to experience winter solstice as a truly welcomed turning point. In my mind we have bottomed out... it is the darkest time of the year and I feel like I can't stand much more night time at five pm.

The truth is I will have to withstand several more weeks of early dark evenings and late sunrise. Also, the cold raw weather will be here for several months. It hasn't hit New England with a vengence this year. I have yet to see a single flake of snow but I am sure it will eventually come.

It's not the snow that gets me, it's the short days, the slant of light, the gray skies. I am sure I must have bear somewhere in my gene pool. Snoozing on the sofa at 7 pm with TV roaring in the background becomes something I worry about. Crawling under the covers with a trashy novel becomes something I look forward to.

Strangely enough, I start to feel the change in season fairly early in the cycle. By Groundhog's day (Candlemas, Imbolc or the half equinox) I can feel my energy returning. The sap starts to rise again. The bear is awakening, getting ready to shake off sleep and lumber out into the world. I feel great optimism knowing this will happen soon. Lux lights will return to the closet and I will want to ride my bicycle and stay active through the day.

Blessings to my friend on the airport floor. This too shall pass.


Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.
~Yoko Ono

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

I ran felt like I did a lot of nothing today and I was busy all day. I finally got my car back from the garage. It had major maintenance work...expensive major maintenance. I am relieved to have the work done but getting car work usually makes me anxious. Mostly the cost makes me anxious. This job took forever too. It took a couple of days and the car was supposed to be done in this morning but they ran into a problem so they weren't done until late today....causing more anxiety. Also making my plans for walking in the woods impossible. That was a major frustration.

My menu choices were uninspired today. Seems I have been eating the same breakfast and lunch for weeks now. I need to make a trip to the grocery store to buy vegetables. I am not getting nearly enough. Too much is happening with holiday plans and my self care is getting squeezed to the side. I need to make it through the next few days and find good ways to stay on course while I do that.

Sleep about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
clementine
figs
4:30
2 tbsp chocolate chips 2 tbsp peanuts
5:00
beef barley stew
50% cheese
fudgesicle

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
~John Lennon

Tomorrow is the winter solstice and the start of holiday travel and partying. After tomorrow, I will be taking a break for a few days and return sometime next week. Happy Holidays everyone!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

I spent a good part of the day at doctors' offices and fortunately I was not the patient. I am amazed by treatment possibilities. I am also alarmed by the easy attitudes we seem to have toward fixing things that have gone wrong with our bodies. I lived most of my life with habits that were damaging to my health. It didn't seem I actively held the belief that everything was repairable, but I lived as though that were true. It seemed an unconscious belief.

I had a few health scares and numerous warnings from health care professionals. I felt tired and achy most of the time. I also missed activities I loved during my childhood and early adulthood. I made multiple attempts to get active, eat better and feel better. I honestly feel I needed multiple attempts to make sustainable changes. I still don't have a clear path and I always try new approaches to this allusive thing I call "good health." I am in much better shape than I was five years ago but I am still finding my way. I rely more on my own interventions than I do medical care. What a difference that has made in this whole endeavor.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups black tea
12:00
apple
6 almonds
1/4 Tri-lo-plex bar
1:00
deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
3:00
50% cheese
fresh pineapple
corn chips (low fat)
5:00
soy nuggets
broccoli and New Balance
3 figs

Totals: 4 fruits and 2 veggies

I am craving sweets! I ate more fruits than usual (3) but that was better than eating dessert or candy. I don't have rules about what I eat. I try to live within healthy boundaries. Some days are better than others. Today was better than yesterday, but my days visiting my friend last week were better than today. I didn't have any food cravings while I was visiting. That is my ideal situation. I enjoyed an occasional dessert while I was in the Rockies. I was also very active.

Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods. It has been several days since I walked my big wooded loop. It felt good to be here today. I walked at a good clip because I was cold.

Health is the condition of wisdom, and the sign is cheerfulness, -- an open and noble temper.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

He who has health, has hope. And he who has hope, has everything.
~Proverbs

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

My car had to go into the shop for some maintenance so I walked a little more than a mile home. When I was visiting my friend in the Rockies, I walked almost every day for transportation. It made me realize how infrequently I do this at home. I drive to almost everything. I even drive to walk, ride my bicycle, or to work out at the YMCA. I am amazed when I really think about this.

Today I didn't get my "real" walk in because my car was not available.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins
8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey with lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
dates and 2 tbsp peanuts
half slice of whole wheat cranberry bread
7:00 at restaurant
spinach salad with a little balsamic vinaigrette dressing
half an individual chicken pesto pizza
several bites blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream

Totals: 3 fruits and 3 veggies

Movement: walked a little more than a mile from auto repair shop to home

It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.
~St. Francis of Assisi

One does not sell the earth upon which the people walk.
~Tashunka Witko 'Crazy horse'

Monday, December 18, 2006

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

I am in the throws of lots of activity celebrating and getting ready for the holidays. Between visiting, going to concerts, and meeting friends at restaurants the next two weeks are going to be really full. I need to batten down the hatches and get on a good schedule for exercise. It got crowded out several days in a row. Now's the time to remember who I am and re-engage in what is important to me. I want to start getting ready for some mountains.


Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce, tomato, honey mustard on whole grain wrap
apple
3:00
dates and peanuts
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:30
home made lentil soup
50% fat cheese slice
Kashi TLC crackers 2 servings
9:00 (at concert)
chocolate

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward.
~Amelia Earhart

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

I got a flu shot yesterday and I was aching and light-headed today. I was on the road most of the day visiting family so even though I wasn't feeling great I enjoyed the company of people I love.

Sleep about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine and 2 tbsp of walnuts
tiny bran muffin
2 cups of black tea
11:00
string cheese
apple
1:00 (home of family members)
broccoli soup
tuna salad
lettuce
veggie dippers and a little dressing
white bread
cookie
6:00 (restaurant)
chicken
sweet potato
green beans
7:30
date orange bread
cocoa

Totals: 2 fruits and 4 veggies

Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.
~Marge Piercy

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

I left home early this morning for a conference on global warming. It seems odd to write about it in Virtual Dinner Partner, which focuses on health but I think global warming is another manifestation of unbalanced energy consumption. I see similar patterns of denial and confusion about how to deal with these dilemmas. Both are tremendously complex and multifaceted.

Some patterns of consumption seem rather straight forward...SUV's are bad for the environment as are super-sized fast food servings for our bodies but the day to day little stuff can seem confusing. Do I need to take vitamins? Should I turn out the lights when I leave the room?

What really makes a difference? What sustainable changes can I make? How do I land these changes so I can follow through with relative ease on a daily basis? What outlay of resources do I need to make? Should I buy a more energy efficient refrigerator? Should I hire a trainer so I keep moving?

We have well established unquestioned ways of living that impact not only our personal lives, but the lives of everyone around us. I have thinking a lot lately about the intersection of health and ecology. Can I eat meat from factory farms now that I understand the ecological impact of these farming practices? Is this meat healthy to eat in the first place? Can I turn a blind eye to the animals who become our food sources?

I have lots of questions and confusion. It seems there are not many easy, straight forward answers when I really start to ask questions and do the research.


Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
clementine
one yolk and egg beaters omlette
tiny bran muffin
10:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
a few swallows of orange juice
1:00 at restaurant
crab cakes
bread
lettuce & tomato
mixed steamed veggies
2:30
chocolate covered pretzels
chocolate heaven
7:00
beans and escarole soup
chocolate covered espresso beans
corn chips
prunes

Totals: 3 fruits and 5 veggies
Rest day: I took a 2 hour nap and I feel like I finally caught up on my sleep. Food cravings have been getting the best of me and I think tiredness has been a factor.

What is the answer? In that case, what is the question?
~Gertrude Stein

Friday, December 15, 2006

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

Weekly recap: This week was unusual because I was out of town visiting my original virtual dinner partner. She became my actual dinner partner for the week. We had fun cooking together, and cooking for each other. The experience has me thinking I would enjoy getting together with other friends to cook favorite healthy recipes.

I frequently go to dinner parties. The intention behind our meals together felt different from that...we introduced favorite staples from everyday menus. I had a long period of vegetarianism in my early adulthood so I had fun making bean dishes and Middle Eastern favorites. I was treated with her down-home eggs and squash which I loved. We did not delve for a single minute into "diet head" eating...we had satisfying, full-bodied, healthy, balanced meals.

My friend is a consummate athlete and it was good for me to be surrounded by that way of living. She bikes for transportation, works out in a gym (weights) and runs regularly. I walked a lot while I was visiting. Some of my walking was transportation, some was hiking, some was sight-seeing. At home, I try to walk daily but my intention is to spend time in the woods and to get some movement in my day. The utilitarian transportation element is missing from my walks. I enjoyed that while I visited. People in that part of the country frequently rely on muscle powered transportation. The city I was visiting is set up for easy, safe pedestrian and bike traffic. Athletic clothing is seen everywhere. The population is lean and healthy. I was struck by that my first day in town. Obesity is not as widespread as it is back east. I wonder what my body history would be if I spent my life there.

I want to climb some mountains. The taste I got hiking the outskirts of town whetted my appetite for more. I am excited about getting in shape to do that. My friend is going to research possibilities. Now I need to get stronger.


Sleep: about 8 hours. Sleep still a little confused - not sure what time zone I am in. I was going to bed late and getting up early in Rockies. Now I am going to bed late and getting up tired and late. It is reckoning time and my guess is I will settle in the next few days.
Vitamins

9:00
1/2 c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsps walnuts
2 c black tea
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
2 prunes and 1 date
pretzel chips (1 serving)
2:00 tired and wanting to sleep
banana
chocolate covered espresso beans (2 tbsp)
6:00
beef barley soup (homemade)
cocoa

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies. I need to go shopping for vegetables. When I am not cooking they do not show up nearly as frequently in family meals.

Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods. Walked at fast pace. I still marvel at the altitude difference. Air was balmy and warm. Sun was setting.


If you have one true friend you have more than your share.
~Thomas Fuller

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

Yesterday, I spent the whole day flying across the country to return home. This amounted to hours on shuttles, airplanes and in airports. I had an unexpected additional leg to my trip when my flight was diverted to another airport because fog limited visibility. Tracking was nearly impossible. My "exercise" was walking to terminals and with all the changes in time zones I'm not sure when I ate.

I packed a soy cheese sandwich, fruit, peanuts and a Tri-lo-plex bar. I had non-fat frozen yogurt and late night M&M's from a vending machine when I realized I was not going to get any dinner and I had a 2 hour bus trip ahead of me. Life steps in sometimes and messes up the best made plans. I took that experience as an additional adventure tacked on to a nearly perfect week. I had to make do with vending machine snacks but I got to talk with strangers about their travels. Somehow it wasn't as disappointing as I anticipated.

My body is confused today. I never quite made the sleep transition to Rocky Mountain time but I did make the meal transition. I am hungry later. I am also very tired which kicks off my food cravings. My afternoon snacks reflect that. Those prunes tasted really good. Carbohydrates call when I am tired.

Sleep: about 8 hours & up at 9
Weight: 187
Vitamins

11:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, orange and 2 tbsp walnuts
tiny bran muffin
2 c black tea
11:30
half serving of banana chips
12:30
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
grapes
fig
small slice of whole wheat banana bread
4:30
2 prunes
Dr Kracker flat bread
handful of chocolate chips
6:30
white bean and escarole soup with grated Parmesan cheese
clementine
cocoa

Totals: 6 fruits and 2 veggies

Movement and Meditation: one hour and ten minute walk in the woods. I felt like I was flying. I moved quickly up hills without gasping for breath. I experienced my everyday walk in a different frame of reference after experiencing the elevation of the Rocky Mountains. I also felt like I was in my back yard. There were no breath-taking vistas. Still, I love these small woods.

Reading about nature is fine, but if a person walks in the woods and listens carefully, he can learn more than what is in books, for they speak with the voice of God.
~George Washington Carver

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

On Top of the World!

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

Today is my last day near the Rocky Mountains. I walked to town to get a good last look and to eat lunch at a favorite restaurant. I wanted to get the full strength "urban" experience in a city that promotes outdoor sports and muscle powered transportation. It was cold and windy today but it felt really good to be out walking around.

The week has flown. I return home tomorrow. I have a new resolve to stay active and get stronger because I want so much more. My first taste of the Rocky Mountains opened a door for me. My big question is what next? I'm definitely climbing a big mountain out here next summer.

Sleep: not sure but I got up at 5:30 this morning
Vitamins

6:00
homemade whole grain muffin
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
2 c black tea
1:00 at restaurant
udon noodle salad with tofu
7:00
white bean and escarole soup
eggplant casserole
Asian pear
whole grain bar, few bites of chocolate

Movement and Meditation:
Walked about an hour and a half along paved creek trail.

Resolve and thou art free.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Monday, December 11, 2006

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

It was Middle Eastern day with my meals. Dinner was planned but lunch happened spontaneously and it was sublime. I am amazed by how pleasing some foods can be. Finding the perfect felafel sandwich was a source of true joy for me today.

Sleep: about 7 hours & up at 6:30
Vitamins

7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
1/3c oatmeal
3 c black tea
10:00 chocolate heaven
12:00
homemade bran muffin
2:00 in restaurant
felafel sandwich on whole grain wrap
apple
7:00
sleek* and yogurt
whole wheat pita
baba ghannouj
pear

*if you want to know what this is see "Sleek" in November '06 archives

Totals: 3 fruits and 3 veggies

Movement and Meditation: walked on paved trail along brook.

Our spontaneous action is always the best. You cannot, with your best deliberation and heed, come so close to any question as your spontaneous glance shall bring you.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

I am feeling leg muscles today and it feels good! Our hike yesterday has me wanting more. I am amazed by the power of altitude. What would have been a happy, easy hike in New England became a challenge here. At another time in my life I would have felt discouraged by my experience. I loved it yesterday...loved breathing hard and feeling my heart pound. What I used to experience as work, I experience as feeling alive.

The moutain vista were sublime. Tears welled up on first sight. I felt like I was looking at the top of the world.

Sleep: about 6 hours & up at 6
Vitamins
6:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:30
soy cheese, hummus, lettuce and sprouts on whole wheat bread
potato chips and onion dip
clementine
3:00
Cliff Z bar
6:30
sushi
9:00
soft serve ice cream cone

Totals: 2 fruits and 2 veggies

To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you ought to prefer is to have kept your soul alive.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: not sure, maybe 5 and a half hours & up at 6
Vitamins
7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
black tea (2 cups)
12:00
deli turkey, hummus, alfalfa sprouts, & soy cheese on whole wheat bread
lentil soup
3:00
apple
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:00
cheese ravioli dish
rolls
black bean brownie

Movement and Meditation: hiked in the Rocky Mountains with my friend. No schedule....actually I'm not sure how long we were out. Saw sublime white capped mountains. The altitude caused breathing difficulties for me but hiking was perfect.

What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly.
~Albert Einstein

Friday, December 08, 2006

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

My weekly recap will be brief. This was a week of major activity and deep personal reflection. I went to a memorial service for someone who was a quiet presence in my life for fifteen years. While I feel the loss of her physical manifestation, I still feel her presence. It shows up in the ways I see the world and the people who surround me. She inpired me and in many ways "held a space" so I could better step into my life. To me, this is the best life has to offer.

I am presently in the Rocky Mountains visiting another loved one who similarly inspires me. She too holds that space.

I have a handful of special people who seem to have have materialized as gifts from the universe. They have evoked some kind of unfolding in me. I have become more of myself having known them.

This has been in the front of my mind during the last week. Sometimes I lose track of the details as I pay attention to deeper ground. This has been one of those weeks.

Sleep: 6 hours and up at 5
Vitamins
6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
3 cups black tea
10:30 hiking in the mountains
whole wheat banana bread
clementine
1:30
deli turkey, hummus, soy cheese, and lettuce on whole wheat bread
3:30
clementine
black tea
7:00
eggs and squash
sweet potato and New Balance
10:00
2 dark chocolates
a few sips of mead

Movement and Meditation: hiking in the mountains. I have no idea about time or distance. This hike was more about meditation than movement. I was moving and breathing for a good long time but the details were not a focus of the experience. I was present to the stunning magnificence that surrounded me.

Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back.
~Plato

Awakening

Yesterday, I was browsing in a bookstore and I ran across a funny little book. It was small and thick and contained photographs of everything the author ate in 2005. I found a chair and sat down to take a good look. I was captivated and amused. Imagine that: a year in the life of someone's tastebuds, teeth, stomach, and beyond....all in living color.

The book struck a chord. As I talk with my friends about Virtual Dinner Partner, I speak with a touch of irony. "My nutty project"...yes, nuts show up on a daily basis and frankly, this project feels a little screwy. It is also compelling.

After a couple of nights with eight o'clock rolling around, and no posting yet, I called my endeavor "the damn blog." My original virtual dinner partner asked if that's what my postings had become. I started to wonder if writing daily was becoming a chore....maybe, on some days.

So why am I writing it? Frankly, I really don't know. Momentum has stepped into the process...habit too. It's become something I do.

Some days I imagine people out there judging what I am doing....girl diet head paranoia rears her ugly head. Someone asked me if I am trying to be a good role model for healthy living and weight loss. I can't even get my hands around that. Some days I feel I am a great anti-example.

Virtual Dinner Partner is just a ground level reflection of one of the ways I inhabit my life...in words..not living color.

An outgrowth of this practice is that my awareness seems heightened. From this ground of awareness, I feel I am awakening.

Virtual Dinner Partner feels like much more than a food diary. But then there is that old maxim, "you are what you eat."

Maybe as I become more aware about how I am living on a very basic level, I am becoming more conscious about who I am.

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

I think I am feeling the effects of altitude. My thought is so fuzzy I feel addlebrained. Also, I am achy which has me wondering if I am getting a cold. I'm praying it is altitude because I am in heaven. I looked out the kitchen window this morning and saw the Rocky Mountains. The view took my breath away. I can't wait to hike this weekend. I am assuming I'll adjust to the altitude but a cold is a different story.

I am downing Airborn and Echinacea and hoping for the best.

Sleep: I am caught between time zones so I am not sure. Maybe 7 hours.
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp of walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
4 cups black tea
12:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
clementine
black tea
2:00 ate at restaurant
salad with tofu, and goats cheese with field greens and viniagrette
black tea
7:00
home made lentil soup
bread
tossed salad and soy oil based dressing
pomegranate and few bites of fresh pineapple

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and Meditation: walked easy pace along beautiful stream path. It was an untimed joy walk.

With an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things.
~William Wordsworth

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

On the road all day most of the time poured into the tiny space allowed for airplane seats. Six plus hours to be exact. Movement (the focus for this week)has become notably absent. Today was a breaking point. I was crazy with inactivity. I feel exhausted from travelling but I can't wait to hike a few miles after a good night of sleep.

I packed food for my trip. It was a great strategy. Not only did I avoid hiked up airport prices but I knew exactly what I was eating. I had a couple of airplane snacks but my packed choices were so much better.

Sleep: 7 hours & up at 6
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese and grapes
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
2 cups black tea
10:30
small handful of peanuts
1:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
apple
Sun Chips
2:30
celery and carrot sticks, grape tomatoes with hummus
4:30
whole wheat banana bread
9:00 dinner out
black bean and lentil hummus
tofu pot stickers
artichoke guacamole
bruchetta
pita bread
black bean soup

In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost.
~Dante Alighieri

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

"Let me be a good animal today," Barbara Kingsolver's prayer for days when life or the world is demanding was my guide post. I squeezed a lot in and I didn't have time to make it to the woods for my walk. I missed walking the last few days and now I definitely feel it. Anxiety starts to creep back in. Tiredness too.

I am really excited because I am traveling to a new part of the country tomorrow. Preparations have consumed my time and energy but I look forward to this journey. I am planning to spend lots of time outside in the next week. It is absolutely what I need.

Sleep: 5 hours & up at 5
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine and walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
3 cups black tea
9:30
chocolate heaven
11:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
12:30
chicken breast and lettuce in whole wheat wrap
banana
3:30
licorice
7:00
salmon
salad and 6g fat olive oil dressing
green beans
sweet potato
baked apple

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies

Keep close to Nature's heart...and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.
~John Muir

Monday, December 04, 2006

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

I feel raw today, something I haven't felt for a while. Yesterday I was on an emotional roller coaster. I was with people I love honoring the life of a beloved friend who died. I felt both full and spent at the end of the day.

I am preparing to travel this week to see someone I love. I haven't been away in over a year so getting ready seems challenging. I can't find things, I'm not sure what to take, lots needs to be done on a time line.

I am worried about something and not sure what to do next to take care of it. I am not sure who to ask for help either.

This list is simply the stuff of life. When I read the list I feel blessed because I see first that I am surrounded by people I love. Still, what I feel right now is the rev of anxiety. I am tired and want to take a nap. I feel torn; there are errands to run, phone calls to make, suitcases to pack. I want to feel full of energy, centered, and relaxed but I am left with rawness and doubt. Will I get everything done? Will I get good information?

I want to face life knowing there is loss, there are challenges and questions. I want to do this with a minimum of doubt. Do I dream the impossible? Maybe. But I need to keep that desire alive as a beacon for better coping skills and less stress as I go through everyday life.


Sleep: 7 hours & up at 6:45
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 c black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
veggie soup and 50% cheese
TLC crackers (1 serving)
clementine
3:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:00
whole wheat banana bread
6:30
whole wheat pasta with cheese sauce and tomatoes
spinach
half a pomegranate

Totals: 3 fruits and 4 veggies

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
~Kahlil Gibran

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
~Albert Einstein

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

I was out for most of the day at a Memorial Service for a beloved friend. There are days when I say Barbara Kingsolver's prayer "Let me be a good animal today." Let me remember that I am a living being and I want to consciously live in a way that promotes life. Today was a day to live that prayer.

Today was tender, sad and sweet. I was with "my people" honoring the life of someone we all adored.

Sleep: 7 hours and up at 7
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, 2 clementines and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 c black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
1/2 Tri-lo-plex bar
1:00 (at restaurant)
1/2 turkey wrap sandwich
green beans
few bites of cole-slaw
4:00
sesame cookie
small meatball
6:00 (really hungry)
chicken breast meat, whole grain wrap, lettuce
butternut squash
grapes
fudgesicle
zucchini bread
handful of chocolate covered espresso beans

Totals: 3 fruits and 4 veggies


To my old brown earth, and to my old blue sky
I'll now give these last few molecules of "I."
And you who sing, and you who stand nearby,
I do charge you not to cry.
Guard well our human chain,
Watch well you keep it strong,
As long as sun will shine.
And this our home, keep pure and sweet and green,
For now I'm yours and you are also mine.
~Pete Seeger

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Pine Grove

Today I had to call my walk short because the sun was setting and I didn't have my headlamp with me. I took a detour from my regular big loop through the woods past a stand of trees I haven't visited in a long time. That grove is special to me.

More than fifteen years ago, I was in a terrible place in my life. I had passed a huge professional landmark and people were singing my praises. I wanted to share their enthusiasm but I felt completely depleted, sapped of my energy and drive. The emptiness drove me to psychotherapy which helped some, but didn't help enough. I felt wrung of my life.

I made changes. I took part time temporary work and started exploring areas I had never looked into before: lecture series, fun classes, church, singing groups. I started swimming in a small lake and found myself feeling better. After a few weeks I was swimming outside the ropes into the lake with the distance swimmers. Something lifted in me.

The seasons shifted and it got too cold to swim. I started walking. I walked alone which broke a cultural rule...women are not supposed to go alone into the woods. I felt my well being, really my life depended on those walks.

I was extremely overweight at the time (obese according to the Body Mass Index) and without the gravity erasing effects of the water I found myself tired after walking the small loop I used to travel. I found a special grove of trees. I broke another rule. I stepped off the path and entered the grove. I sat quietly at the end of several of my walks.

Deeper woods called. There was something about the light. I found a grassy depression in the ground ringed by pine trees. I sat, softened my eyes, relaxed my vigilance about being alone in the woods. After a while I felt clear.

I returned another time carrying a small nylon tarp. I looked around carefully making sure I was alone and I slipped off-trail to my grassy depression. I spread out the tarp and lay on it and closed my eyes. I drifted into an altered presence, taking in forest sounds. I felt safe. I felt wrung of my sorrows.

I returned again and again and over time felt an inner sounding, a sense of oneness in that bed of grasses, the ring of trees.

I realize now I was meditating in my grove. I have since had instruction and experience with that state of presence. I have to add however, that particular wooded temple brought me to a place I only experience in nature.

I have new special places and I have a few special others with whom I share the experience.

I walk the same woods but I travel a much longer loop which doesn't pass my special grove except on days I am caught short on time or daylight. Maybe that was my blessing today.

Can place hold prayer? That describes my experience all those years ago. I am grateful for the solace and inner knowing I found in that bed and those trees.

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Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

I am shifting focus this week away from meals. In my everyday life I continue to pay attention but for the blog I will limit commentary. This week I want to turn the lens toward movement.

Movement fires me up. I have made my most profound changes on this front in the last five years. It's where I really wanted to step back into my life. I felt major losses during the two decades I became inactive.

I avoid using the word exercise because it harkens back to middle school years of jumping jacks counted aloud by Miss Shelton while she filed her nails. I have never been able to stay on any exercise program for more than a few days. I don't use the word sports either mainly because I've never seen myself as a sports person. I love being outside. I love hiking, swimming, snowshoeing,cross country skiing and sculling. I guess those could be called sports but somehow that word doesn't work for me. Movement is my default word. I couple it frequently with meditation because the activities I chose evoke that for me frequently.

I do resistance training and when I am totally honest I have to say I experience it as exercise. I avoid calling it that so I can forget the association. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Actually on a good day I have to admit I actually enjoy resistance training about 10 or 15 minutes after starting.


Sleep: about 5 hours and up at 5
Vitamins

6:00
nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)

10:00
chocolate heaven

12:00
deli turkey and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
small apple

2:00
roasted edadame (small handful)

3:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar

7:00
roast chicken
tossed salad with 3 g fat dressing (olive oil)
roast carrots
sweet potato
butternut squash
half a pomegranate

Totals: 3 fruits and 4 veggies

Movement and Meditation: Late afternoon walk in the woods... I had to shorten my walk because the sun was setting. Brisk winds and substantial temperature drop made the walk fun. Leaves flew through the air and I walked a good clip to stay warm. I almost always walk alone and I love being immersed in wildness, even if it is a simple stand of trees and few gusts of wind. I feel like I come alive. I feel so much better today since the sun returned. I loved watching it set behind the trees.

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.”
~John Muir

Friday, December 01, 2006

Friday Recap

It's Friday again and I have to say it wasn't the greatest week for self care but that is how it goes...some weeks are better than others.

A lot was happening this week. I ate out three times and had one carry out meal. I usually eat my own simply prepared meals. There were lots of cooks stirring the pot in my life this week. I enjoy an occasional dinner out with special people and that was true for two of the meals. The other two meals were for convenience.

I focused on meal location, hunger and saiety (fullness) this week. The results are difficult to assess. Hari hachi bu the Okinawan practice of eating until 80% full was my guideline. "10 til full" is challenging for me to identify. I will continue paying attention and report occasionally.

I will walk a middle path with this practice. Some meals are functional, especially when I have limited time and I simply need to fuel up for what is happening in my day. Hari hachi bu and the state of mindfulness required is my long term focus.

I found eating at the table definitely helps with mindfulness. I will continue to work to do that at least once a day.

I walked 4 hours and 20 minutes and I didn't do any resistance training. Again, some weeks slip by and I do less. During the next weeks, I plan to get my winter resistance training under way and I want to walk more. I will be spending next week with my friend who truly inspires me this way. I am sure our time together will jump start my enthusiasm. Tracking this area will become more descript.

I will be in the Rocky Mountains for the first time. I am sure I will feel inspired to explore mountain terrain after visiting that area of the country. I hope to decide about my new hiking boots soon.

My focus started with meals with Blogger Virtual Dinner Partner...that is where I started with my original partner but we quickly moved to much broader areas of our lives. The 'meal' focus holds true to the broader context. A meal satisfies appetite. I consciously chose that word as I was looking at saiety.

I also see appetite on a broader scale than stomach fullness. A meal is one of many opportunities to experience fullness and satisfaction in a whole life sense.

Frequently, broader satisfaction is what I am looking for when I turn to food. I believe the glory of life can be celebrated in that context in a way that promotes health. I am finding my way even though the path is not always clear.

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
At the table, not very hungry to start and not full when I finished.

boiled egg
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups black tea

11:00
Walking around doing things. Slightly hungry to start and satisfied finishing. But I have to say it went down fast and I didn't enjoy it as much as I might have.

yogurt blender drink (1 c plain nf yogurt with frozen peaches)

1:30
At table, definitely hungry and "10 til full" in the end.

turkey, sliced tomatoes and honey mustard in whole wheat wrap
banana chips

4:00
All over the place and snacking. A little hungry but mostly blind unaware eating.

Dr Kracker flat bread
2 whole wheat fig newtons
handful of chocolate chips
more banana chips

This is one of my YIKES episodes..not good...but fairly contained compared to day long eating binges I used to engage in. I try to look at these episodes with compassion and figure out what is going on. I can't always stop even with awareness. I am tired and today is another gray day. The lux light and time outside today didn't provide what I seem to get from sunlight. Also, this has been a stressful week personally. Stress and lack of sunlight are two of my triggers. The cabinets are not full with the right types of food and there is lots of "trouble" food around. I am communicating about location problems (Tootsie pops on the dining room table are gone) but the cabinet is full of cookies, and other problem foods. The ideal situation for me at this time of year is to have only ideal food in the house...and a well stocked assortment. I have other people to consider who do not share the same needs. So I need to learn new strategies. Oh well..this IS contained. And every situation like this is an opportunity to practice and learn. My path is about imperfection and a middle path with no right and wrong.

6:00
Not hungry but wanted to eat a simple dinner and close the kitchen. Ate sitting cross legged on the sofa.

boiled shrimp and cocktail sauce
grapes

Totals: 3 fruits and 1 veggie.

Movement and Meditation: One hour walk in the woods....warm soft balmy air, dark skies, and a few good breezes...oh how I needed to be outside. It is supposed to rain later today. I could really feel the humidity.

I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I've come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them...
~Annie Dillard